Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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