Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
