I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
