To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
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what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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