Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
