He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
