The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
