The best revenge is premature balding
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Less talking, more tequila
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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