i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
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