Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
True strength comes from lack of pants
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
