I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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