capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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