Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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