My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
