he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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