I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
