it hurts more in the daytime
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
