Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
