theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
