I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
