now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
