therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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