i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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