i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
