if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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