im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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