Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
