I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
