I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
