I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
