I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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