first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
