Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
