I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
