I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
