but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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