he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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