I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
