There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
