there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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