I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
