I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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