my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Randomize
