My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
