corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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