Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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