They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
