I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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