I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
