Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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