Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
