Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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