He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
