I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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