she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
