New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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