If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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