I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
my liver is dry heaving
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
