those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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