When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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