Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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