I got chris browned last night
our cab driver is having phone sex.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
