did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
look no pants
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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