were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
