Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
