Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
