I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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