all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
My cat gives me a boner
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
