just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
