Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
