it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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