My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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