The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
