There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
