I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
