oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
