Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
