im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Found your dick twin last night
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
