I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You were trust falling into bushes
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
