and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
