4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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