Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
